I recently read a post on Facebook that stated the average couple over age 40 enjoyed sex 54 times a year, which works out to about once a week. This was according to a 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. The comments below this Facebook post shocked me.
Comments ranged from “there is no way couples are having sex that much,” to “I would die if I had to have sex once a week,” to “My husband is lucky if we have sex once a month.” When reading these comments I thought, “Really?” Something made me so sad about these comments.
Intimacy with your spouse is the one thing you share with no one else, it belongs to only the two of you, it is an emotional and physical bond that brings you closer, the human need to touch. Chemicals in your brain are released during sex that enhances bonding, according to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based clinical psychologist.
I get it though, it’s not what’s on our minds. Let’s get real, who can relate?
Intimacy Buster #1:
As a 41 year old mom of two daughters, age 6 and almost 16, having an intimate relationship with my husband in the bedroom is tough for me. Why? I don’t want the girls to see my door closed, I don’t want them to knock on the door either…basically I don’t want them to ever know I am having sex, it’s a vision I don’t ever want in their mind. Am I the only one that feels this way? I bet I am not. However, whatever you do, don’t let the intimacy and emotional/physical bond die because of this, and if it has, it’s time to bring it back.
Intimacy Buster #2:
Life after 40 for women. Changes begin to happen. Not only are you more tired because you’re chauffeuring the kids around, making dinner, lunches, keeping up with the house, working and more, but your hormones are changing. You don’t feel in the “mood” and it’s harder to get in the “mood” thanks to the drop in estrogen levels and less regular periods. It’s just easier to say no to intimacy then to try to get in the mood. Right? I fall into this category too often myself. Whatever you do, don’t let the intimacy and emotional/physical bond die and if it has, it’s time to bring it back.
Intimacy Buster #3:
You don’t look the way you did when you got married, before kids. Breasts after babies hang a little lower and your belly may jiggle with beautiful stretch marks. You grew up and had a family. Ask yourself, did you get married because of looks? I hope not. One of the biggest intimacy busters is lack of self-confidence due to poor self-image of your body. Stop right there and remember why you love your husband and get back that intimacy!
My husband and I have a strong physical / emotional bond and there are many reasons our relationship is so strong.
9 Ideas to Bring Intimacy Back!
- Send each other text messages and emoji’s throughout the day….our favorite is a purple devil emoji to get each other thinking about later.
- Kiss, hug, and hold hands. Each morning when we wake up we embrace with a hug. We kiss each other when we leave and come home, we kiss in front of the kids and we even make out in public. We hold hands in the car and when walking.
- Snuggle! Intimacy does not just mean sex. Curl up to a movie and just hold each other. We do this often.
- Wait until the kids are sleeping to make love and sometimes wake up at 2am even though you are tired and have to be up early!
- Plan an overnight out somewhere each month. The kids will survive! A night of just the two of you is so important to just unleash.
- Exercise! Yes exercise! Even if this is just a walk! Exercise increases your blood flow and strengthens your heart which releases good feel chemicals in your brain. When you feel good, your sexual mood increases.
- Eat healthy. Yes this helps with your sex life too. This helps prevent heart disease and diabetes and makes you feel good.
- Take care of yourself. When you dress nice, take care of your skin, put on some makeup and maybe a new hair cut you feel more sexy! Try it!
- Lastly beware of the mother/son relationship. This is when you begin to be more of a mother to your husband, than a wife. Your husband can take care of himself with help from you, but he is a big boy. This can contribute to lack of attraction to each other.
Ok ladies, not only does it feel so good to get back that emotional/physical closeness that you once shared, sex also revs up your metabolism and burns calories!
You need to remember that intimacy does not just mean intercourse, it can be cuddling and conversation in the privacy of your bed. You shouldn’t be focused on hitting a “number of times” but meeting the needs of both through intimate moments.
Let’s bring intimacy back ladies! Message me or leave me a comment, I want to hear your thoughts.